What is a Carbunkle Trumpet and I hope I don't get any on my shoes!

Hi My Name is Carbunkle Trumpet and I am an addict

2012-01-22T14:33:00.003-06:00

Yeah, what about that 2012 is going to be the year of CBT doing more blogging eh? Well stop yelling at me, I have been busy as of late with getting hair out of the shower drain and curing shin splints, but more on that later. So this morning after I got out of bed, stole the neighbors newspaper and made sure the dog peed and pooped, I naturally, got on my iFoam to see what was happening in the world according to Twitter, Facebook and see what spam emails I had to delete. After determining that yes Joe Patterno did indeed pass away (Way to go @CBSSports for screwing the pooch on that) I got on the ole treadmill to put in my 30 minute of huffing and puffing. Yes you read that correctly, CBT is now a jogger, who would have thought that eh? Anyway after accumulating a gallon of sweat in my socks and shirt I promptly sat in the floor of the bedroom and after half-arse stretching I again, out of habit, checked to see if anything was different on Twitter.
Mrs Trumpet, who was sitting in the bed reading her newspaper and drinking her coffee (that I fetched, I might add), was quick to say to me "You really can't put that damned thing away can you?" My first comment was "Oh not me, I can quit anytime!" but she was spot on, I have a problem and I have no one to blame but myself. I informed Mrs Trumpet that I was trying to verify that Joe Paterno was indeed dead but there was no doubting that she busted me. I informed her that I would put the iFoam away and not use it today to which she said good and mentioned something about breakfast. Stubbornly, I put the phone back on the charger and felt the social media fingers tightening around my throat for a minute but that was just my out of shape telling me that I am fat. After a quick shower and a thorough washing of my 220lb body (and you wonder why I am now jogging) I dressed and worked on that breakfast that was mentioned earlier.
After breakfast and some other chores I then realized that I had gone almost 2 hours without checking Email, Facebook, or even *Aghast* Twitter and I hadn't burst into flames. I may actually survive this! What did I do in the meantime you ask, well I read the daily newspaper. I confirmed that un-subscribing to it was a good thing and even glanced at some of the magazines that we have at the house. It was then that it got me a thinking and for someone who one brain cell away from being the girl who does the "My Drunk Kitchen" that it was like I was on vacation. Now before I get raked over the coals by some of my fellow snarky 38103 residents no, I am not referring to Bill Murray in "What about Bob?" and his 'vacation from himself' I am referring to the feeling of not being in touch with the world.
You see when CBT and Mrs CBT goes on holiday I make it a point not to try to 'keep up with the world' and just chill out and let things happen. Belize, CA back in the day was a great example in that we didn't have TV's in the room, our cellphones were useless and the only TV in the hotel was on either the Weather Channel or Soccer and I loved it! Talk about stepping off the grid, you were literally out of touch with society and it was this that I enjoyed...and the beer...and the rum,,,ok and the food and the people too! Now when we visit "that shitty little island" we only use the cellphone for texting each other and don't surf the net or check FB or Twitter. When we head up to Dale Hollow Lake during Labor Day weekend our cellphones are out of range and to be honest, I really enjoy it. We have all seen that car commercial where there are 4 guys in an SUV and they keep checking to see what you originally think is "I am out of Range" when actually he is searching to be out of cellular service. That is what I am talking about.
So rather than Jonesing to see what bar my friends are checking into, looking at pictures of a friend's vacation that he/she is still on, and I have to say that it is a welcome feeling. I guess I can blame my ADD and bad habits but I really need to start working on this. You probably have seen the "No Cellphones at the Table" game (Probably on Facebook or Twitter) where everyone at the table stacks their cellphone on the table before dinner and the first one who reaches for his/hers has to pay the tab. It is a simple game and yet when I go to a friends house, go watch a game at the bar or have dinner, I am as bad as the next guy.
Maybe this is a good thing, maybe I need to stop reading people's stupid rants about not having fast service at a restaurant and stop to smell the coffee. Who knows, maybe CBT may go back to brick phone....
Keep it light and get off the damn phone!

TTK!

Let's Kick 2011 in the Arse and bring in 2012 or as I will call it "The Year of the Boobs!"

2011-12-31T16:02:00.003-06:00

Yes I know that I have been slacking over the past months with no posts but I want to let my 2 readers know that I will amend my ways next year. I have amassed quite a nice collection of pictures in my computer hard drive and will get back on the bandwagon very soon.

Merry New Year to everyone and be safe out there!

TTK

CBT Returns to the Mecca in Whitehaven for the 34th anniversary

2011-08-19T18:05:00.002-05:00

I recall the day like it was yesterday, I was over at the Chandler's house about to watch Hogans Hero's (I probably was on TV restrictions for doing something stupid) and the network broke in with a breaking news special report. Elvis Presley has been pronounced dead at Baptist Hospital (now a grassy spot on Union Avenue) and the world changed that day my friends. You see it took 20 or so years for CBT to get the Elvis bug in that when you see what one man did to change music, either like him or not, you have to respect him. This year marked the 34th anniversary of his death and like clockwork the streets of Memphis were clogged with Mutton Chop wearing foreigners from all over the world. Each year the crowd gets a little older but I have to say that there is no place on earth like Graceland during Dead Elvis Week.

This year Mrs CBT didn't want to make the pilgrimage so I enlisted someone who had never been before and Lindsey was nice enough to make the drive over to Whitehaven with me. Now you see my mother and her silly old fool friends kind of go a step above a normal vigil in that they bring food and drink (grape juice I assure you) and we celebrate this as a pseudo-tailgate. Sadly the crowd wasn't like it has been in years past and I was told that a lot of tourists cancelled their trip to Graceland because of our May Floods. So thanks Al Roker I hope you choke on a Jelly Donut you Fraud! Anyway the weather was nice, the Tribute Artists were out in plenty and there were a couple of nice street tributes. Enough with my rambling let's get to the pictures.

I drive 20 minutes to see this sign and there are some to travel 20 hours, either way you have to respect some Graceland followers

Don't know how those Rebel Flag people would take this.

Lindsey to me "Look CBT there is a Tribute artist, do you think he would let me take a picture with him?" "Lindsey he came here and dressed in that outfit so people would want to take pictures with him!"

And with that Lindsey is no longer a Elvis Tribute Artist Picture taker Virgin

From Canada I think

The Cousin Eddie Jacked kinda threw me off

Our Friend Tia showed up also and wanted to get in some E.T.A. picture taking too!

I think this E.T.A. fell in love with our girl Tia

Say what you will anyone can grow out their sideburns and put on a hot arse jumpsuit but to get TCB Ink speaks volumes. LD & Mel you better be taking notes!

Again that is an interesting place to put the gates of Graceland but you have to admire her spirit!

You know he was old enough if Elvis were still alive today....

Notice Little Sister (No pun intended) in the baby carriage..Yes she was decked out too!

Mommy why are all these strange people taking my picture?

If Elvis were a truck driver

Here is how this went down right before this picture was taken - "CBT you put down that beer and get the camera, there is a Hot Elvis I have to have my picture taken with!"

"What do you mean you only go out with women who are named Priscilla?"

I had a picture of him a couple years back I think, but here is Elvis Patel Presley (and not a bad singer either)

Here is the Silly Old Fools and their spread (yes those are PB & Banana sandwiches in the Tupperware containers)

Barbie feeding the Men & Women in Blue

Think he was from Orlando, FL

Yes he had more hair gel in his hair than I did

Tia was realizing that she was lacking in the number of E.T.A. pictures

Start em young I say!

Even little brother got into the EP spirit with some shades & burns

I have to say the G.I. Elvis Dress was pretty cool

God Love her it had to be hot in that thing

I pledge allegiance to Elvis Presley....

File this under WTF is that.....

Another Canadian Elvis Tribute Artist

He looked more like Jerry "The King" Lawler (& smelled like him too)

I am running out of steam by now...

Not a bad Street Tribute

They were just getting warmed up (I do like the rose on each side of the lightning bolt)

And so another year, another Dead Elvis Week, see everyone next year at 35!

TCB & TTK!

Don't put me on a milk carton yet!

2011-08-14T13:28:00.002-05:00

So I have been getting a lot of “Carbunkle why are you not blogging anymore” messages and emails and sorry to disappoint my 2 readers but we have been kinda busy over here at Bar 595 this Spring and Summer. It is one of those classic good news/bad news scenarios – The good is that Momma will be getting herself a brand new motor-boating worthy racks/boobs, the bad is that the old ones tried to kill her so off they went! We both knew this day would eventually come as she has family history of breast cancer and have been having regular mammograms since she was 35 and this year Aunt Cancer decided to make its debut. We consider ourselves lucky (Yes I said that we are lucky) in that we caught it early and rather than a lumpectomy we went for the big girl surgery and had a double mastectomy. Currently we (who am I kidding – She) is undergoing Chemotherapy treatment and when we get done poisoning the crap out of her we will then jiffy pop microwave her for good measure. Other than the baldness, hot flashes & some jacked up taste buds we are doing pretty good all things considered. As you can imagine we are ‘Kicking Cancer’s Ass’ with a positive attitude much like John “Bad Dog” McCormack did and not being a “Debbie Downer” like a lot of fellow cancer patients we have encountered with our trips to the Doctor’s office and the Chemo Lounge. I figured I would come clean to save you some time when you see us out at our local watering hole no Momma isn’t bald b/c she really likes Sinead O’Conner’s music or is in the Navy Seals she is getting treated for the Ta-Ta cancer.

So for now I am the Cancer Concierge, Doctor Visit Scheduler (you have no idea how many trips to the doctor you will make when you get cancer) and Public Relation Update guy. I had thought of using “What is a Carbunkle Trumpet and I hope I don’t get any on my shoes” as an update board but that would go against my scruples (Carbunkle has scruples, who knew?) so I provide a weekly update in my sick twisted way. If you want to get the update let me know and I can add you to the list as I try to make light of the goings on here at Casa de Cancer Crib.

In the meantime till we get the new Double D’s the best thing you can do for us (besides keeping Momma in your thoughts) is ladies get a regular mammogram and check up. Guys examine the twins every once in a while and when you turn 50 go get the bung hole checked by a doctor. I know that we are not going to live forever but there is no reason to live in the dark or in fear. I have been told by my older guy friends that no a colonoscopy does not make you gay and the worst part of it is the pooping your entire insides out before the procedure.

Keep it light and frothy and don’t worry I will get back on the blogging bandwagon soon. Thankfully there are still people doing stupid things out there and wearing funny shoes so I still have lots of material. Yes I plan on attending the Candlelight vigil this week so I am sure I will have lots of Elvis Tribute Artists pictures.

TTK & Real men wear pink!

Still here, haven't floated away yet......

2011-05-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been very good at updating this worthless dribble but to my two readers, don't worry, I have some time blocked next week to catch you up on what the hell I have been doing. It will be in past tense but you will have something to read other than Ryburn's Anti-Karaoke rants. In the meantime we just got done with Music fest and I am glad was last week b/c there would be other crap to worry about than mud....like a big @ss tree trunk or catfish! Yes Ole Man River and Mother Nature are pissed at someone here in the south and we aren't just talking about a little rain and tornado warnings. Needless to say we wish that Jim Cantore (Bad luck weather magnet) of the weather channel keeps his bald head somewhere else than the south. Below are two pics I stole from FB but this give you an idea of how pissed Mother Nature (RAB notice I didn't call her a crack whore) is at us. My buddies at MIM have evacuated Tom Lee Park after Music fest and moved WCBCC to midtown. Anyway catch me next week I promise that you will have something to read and pictures to look at.

Stole this from my friend who works for MIM and yes that is the sidewalk by the river in Tom Lee Park. (Taken 5.4.11)

Arial shot from Fitz Casino (a helicopter not the casino) of Tom Lee Park and yes it is just a matter of time before the park (or parts of it) are under water.

Can someone bring me some water wings? I can't swim that well!

TTK!

So you think you are ready for the Big Leagues eh?

2011-03-29T06:04:00.002-05:00

As I was looking on the Memphis in May website last night hoping that there would be a late minute addition of Neil Diamond being added to the line up that I saw my old position for Chief Bottle Washer posted on seasonal employment. Due to failed contract negotiations CBT will not be the man atop the hill this year as my request for a larger bottle of Gold Bond, bigger trailer and golf cart with spinners was shot down by management. As part of my agreement to get the first leftover corn dog at BSMF this year I have agreed to pimp part of my worthless dribble of a blog to them getting some good men and women to fill some positions. Now before you think to yourself "self, if CBT can do this then any ~~dumbass~~ body could do this job!" let me warn you NOW! I have seen people cry, I have seen people get voted out of the potato of trust and I have even seen a vegetarian get so upset that they throw down their vow and pick up a turkey leg and start eating!

I have created a list of Pro's and Con's for you to consider before you send in your resume and beg to be one of the few that get to wear a radio during the month of May. They are as follows but let me start with the Cons

Cons

- You will have more friends come out of the woodwork requesting free passes, special favors, golf cart rides, weather reports & backstage access. "Sure, I will put your name on the list, go see Captain Ron."

- The hours that you work in comparison to your pay you will realize that you are making the same as a 3rd grader in a Cambodian sweatshop.

- You will get an addiction to Natty Light and Gold Bond Medicated Powder (Don't ask).

- You are going to get rained on (a LOT!)

- After the festival you will still continue to talk into your shoulder for no other reason.

- There is nothing better than the smell of the porta potties getting pumped out.

- Did I mention you are going to get rained on A LOT?

Pros

- Your circle/network of friends will increase by 1500 in a month.

- You get to pull off the biggest outside special event in this region.

- You could fill 2 volumes of "War and Peace" thick books with stories of the crap that you saw/did.

- If you like rain then this is the job for you.

- You will get an addiction to Natty Light and Gold Bond Medicated Powder. (Don't Ask)

- You get to see some really drunk people do some really stupid things (Bob Dylan's baby Jesus)

- When you watch the Palladia Concert show you can bug your wife and say "Do you know how they put that stage up?"

So if you think that you have what it takes to be one of the few, please by all means submit your resume HERE but if you want the job do yourself a favor and don't tell them that CBT sent you. They are still looking for golf cart #29 and according to some of my buddies who still work for MIM I may (or may not) be the prime suspect. All kidding aside if you think you want to do this, feel free to shoot me an email, it is something that you can not explain until you see it first hand. Probably the best explanation I have ever heard about it was from my former boss "It is the best of times & the worst of times all rolled into one."

Damn thing was wet a lot!

Did I mention the rain?

There are a couple perks I might add

You do get to see about 45 of these things during your term.

You know I don't think that team is coming back this year.

It kinda gets into your blood.

Opening day = the cleanest these things will ever be!

That is a unique parking place eh Teddy Graham?

Again some of the perks are pretty sweet!

And to think that after 45 days the park goes back to normal (but you will forever be scared!)

What did I tell you about that Gold Bond and Natty Light?

TTK! CBT out!

Flat Maria goes on Spring Break 2K11

2011-03-20T12:42:00.002-05:00

There are things in the world that just make good sense and should always go together to compliment each other;

Peanut Butter & Jelly
Vodka Tonic & Lime
Memphis in May Beale Street Music fest & Rain
Bette, Shobo and Carbunkle Trumpet vacation together

Sadly number 4 could not happen this year on our trip south of the 18th latitude as our dear friend Ms Bette had to tend to her mother who was recuperating from hip surgery. Needless to say that momma and I were a little bummed as the 3 of us on the island is always a shit show that is a lot of fun. A couple of weeks prior to departure momma and I were having ~~a vat of wine~~ some fruit juice with dinner, we discussed the idea of taking Ms Bette with us via a Flat Maria. For those of you who are wondering what I am talking about let me let you catch up on these two posts Flat CBT and Flat Chunky don't worry I will wait for you.................

Now can you guess what else is going through that twisted mind of mine besides my ADD medicine. Enough with the words let's get onto the pictures;

Here is Real Maria on one of our first trips to the island

Here is another one and look how ~~thin~~ good looking I am, I need to get off of the sauce and back into the GYM

Yep those two are plotting and scheming again

I always did wonder why Jet wanted to have a pic with her

Here we go, first class ticket, bottle of water and about to pop a sleeping pill for my trip!

We run into our friends from H-Town that we met a couple years back drinking ~~Coconut Water~~ at the Tackle Box

Got to have a pic with the Queen

After a full day of traveling, Celi's Spicy Fish fingers will bring one back to life

Got to work on that Brooklyn Tan

Enjoying Sunday Funday and we run into Cindy & Renita from Changes in Latitudes B&B

"Don't worry Bette, I won't overcharge you like I do Didi" says Betty

Even Mary G wanted to get in some Flat Maria action!

DAMN YOU CBT, You have my Fancy NY Arse on a boat? Notice that Leonard is wondering what the Hell is going on here.

We always knew that Ms Bette was happier driving than being a passenger on the high seas

Giovanni even took Ms Bette on a snorkel at Shark Ray

Hey that isn't a chicken that is Gail!

Nothing like a Lime Daiquiri from Captain Morgans to quench one's thirst

Ran into Ken and Mel on the cart ride up north and they told us to swing by Aji's for a beer so we did.

(We can't be rude)

As Ms Bette says, here is the luckiest woman on the island and a good friend of ours

Here we are at Linda's "Shitty Little Bar" having a Stress Captain

You can't not go to Belize w/o watching Cash Cab

Notice number 5 pool rule. Good thing that Gumata Jennie didn't make the trip!

Now she sings back up to Dennis Wolfe and the Usual Suspects too?

Carbunkle Trumpet where in the world are you taking me now?

Oh ~~CRAP~~ dear, I know that wall!

See what happens when you have a lot of ear wax build up? The staff at Pedro's is so nice and helpful

Even Ruthie wanted to help out too!

Good for Wade the Gringo to play along too!

Had to ask Laurie not to post any pics of Flat Maria till I was able to get this blog up, Thanks Taco!

I hope in that flat wallet you have some flat Belize currency because it is about to get ugly!

Going to Pedro's and not having a picture with Peter is like going to Fort Worth, Texas and not riding the bull.

(As we arrive back from a full day of drinking we run into Felipe who whispers into her ear) "Guess what Maria, I am going to take you fishing tomorrow!"

Wait, I am now just getting over the first boat trip and now I am fishing with Felipe (in 3 foot swells I might add?) Damn you CBT and Shobo!

Aww she caught a fish that was bigger than her and much bigger than Benjie's fish too!

It wouldn't be a pic of Flat Maria on a boat w/o her head over the side!

Ran into Trevor at Wayo's bar too!

Poor Chunky had a bad tooth but he played along (even with the drool from a numb mouth)

Look we even ran into the original Meter Maid and First Son - Cesar!

Stopped by Carumba's to say hello to Opie

CBT, how long you planning on keeping this show going?

Thank God, Now I can get back to my trashy book and rest up my liver for Memphis in May Music Fest!

On a side note, we did venture over to Elvi's one night to get a Dirty Banana and sure as I am typing this in my thong, did Alberto walk up to me and say "Hey Buddy, welcome back, where is Maria?" Yep we missed ya Ms Bette and I am so glad that you are 1100 miles away from me because I would hate to get the finger.

TTK!

CBT takes to the Track!

2011-01-22T14:32:00.001-06:00

So with the 3 day weekend Momma and I decided to get out of town and hit up the Track since it was opening weekend. Given the temps were in the 30's we didn't take up our spot on the rail as hypothermia isn't all that cracked up to be. We opted for the Sports bar where we could have a place to sit, spread out all of our crap and of course drink ~~beer~~ soft drinks. Opening weekend or early in the 2011 racing season is much like trying to find a virgin at a Hedonism Resort as the jockeys are not used to horses, the cold weather makes it hard to handicap and quite honestly no one knows who/how/when horses are going to react. My normal favorites exacta boxing was producing some good results but it was that big beautiful gray 30-1 long shot that won in the 9th that made me a happy man.

Later that evening we got to watch the Jets/Patriots game and God love John P McNicholas, he cheered from Heaven and got them a win. That man loved 3 things, Horse Racing, the Jets and Kettle One so it was only natural that I had a couple in his honor.

Now a good friend of mine once told me that gambling on religious holidays or National Holidays is not a good thing as one normally does not win since God is mad at you. I guess that Doctor King was a little peeved at CBT because I couldn't pick my butt with both hands and a map! There was fog all the way to the deck, the track conditions were disintegrating each race and since we had to drive that beer wasn't hitting the spot. On a side note since you couldn't see past the bet board on the track there really wasn't any live commentating but Terry Wallace, Oaklawn's longtime announcer, did offer some funny comments.

"The Horses are nearing the starting gate....Trust me on this" - When they were loading in for the 6 1/2 fulong races

"And they are off!!!!! we will find out who is leading when they get around to the mile 1/16th pole."

"Calvin Borel must have his night time goggles on as he is in the lead!"

It was a good time other than that! Hope to make my money back next visit.

Yep that highlight on the left is a grey horse that I bet!

Grey Conditions as we popped out to get a glimps of the rail

Not a bad crowd on a Sunday

Yep that is water

Not saying the Arlington is old but that candy machine looks like it was circa Al Capone

Line for the Zenyatta Bobble head was pretty long on Monday

That was the only time that track was Fast (TWSS) Next race it went to good, then fair

Is this England?

Never seen anything like it before

When they started at the mile 1/16 start

Thank God for the Carousel Lounge

My Zenyatta Bobble head!

TTK!

A Couple of Things Said, Heard or Texted During The Sugar Bowl

2011-01-07T12:00:00.004-06:00

So CBT made a trip to the Big Easy for the Allstate Sugar Bowl and as expected a wild time was had by all. Don’t worry I will get some pictures up on here but I have to share with my 3 readers some of the hilarious comments that were said, heard or texted during the 3 fun filled days.
Oh and don’t worry I will protect the ~~drunks~~ innocent and not divulge names but you know who you are!

1. “I need a Bloody Mary and Imodium”

2. “Robo I haven’t been this drunk since 1994 Catfish Row!”

3. “Well at least for the 4th quarter we can have a drink in the French Quarter.”

4. “You Arkansas Fans are so inbred; you put your head up the ass of a plastic Hog Hat.”
“Dude, it is 75 degrees outside - you are wearing a sweater vest and have a necklace of nuts
around your neck."

5. “So you are suffering from the ole Restaurant equipment syndrome eh?”
“What is that?”
“That is where your butt resembles a soft serve machine.”
“Yep you are correct.”

6. “That could have been the best thing I have put in my mouth in a long time…..Yep even that too!”

7. “Where are you?”
“I really can’t divulge that information at this time due to National Security.”
“You are at Ricks aren’t you?”
“No Comment”

8. “Hey I know that Tu-Tu!”
“No you do not!”
“Hey (NAME DELETED)”

9. “Can I get a Bud Light and a Coors Light?”
“That is fine guys but just to let you know we gave last call 2 minutes ago.”
“Better make it 3 Bud Lights and 3 Coors Light then.”

10. “Just in case I get drunk, my room number is 1228 should I forget and then call you.”

11. “After this weekend I am going to boil my shoes in bleach!”

12. “How are you doing, my name is XXX or you can call me by my alias Hot Ass Mess.”

TTK and Try the Veal!

Birds of a Feather Flock...

2010-12-03T11:22:00.004-06:00

together right? Some of my friends have wondered where I get my general silliness and I always remark that my mother must have been using illicit drugs while she was carrying me. Now when you add 12+ years of Catholic school, paint chips and sniffing glue it is a wonder how I survived and am still above ground eating solid food right? I have always known that there are people out there ~~as jacked up as I am~~ who also have a 'creative' spirit but I have to say that I may have a fellow freak sister up in St. Louis. Rx Bambi up in St. Louis was a year behind me and dated a good friend of mine back in the day when 'going together' was the thing to do. As people do, you go off to college, get married, get kids (WHY?), and then you find each other on Facebook and since a shrink's couch is too expensive you blog about your life experiences. I mean if I didn't have the CBT blog, I probably would be curled up in the fetal position of the house with a bottle of booze sucking my thumb.
Anyway I digress....You see Rx Bambi sadly has a fault (other than being friends of mine) in that she is a St. Louis Cardinal fan and being that I am a devout Cub fan we must bicker and place wagers on all Cub/Cards games. Last year we placed an ongoing bet of Dollar a game, dime a run in which the winner at the end of the year had to pay the winner. Sadly last year the Cubs lost the season series so I paid her back ~~sorta~~ with Belizean money, IOU's and finally with a 3rd party out of state check and she wrote This Blog Entry about my payments and I have to say it was pretty funny.
This year my beloved Cubs took candy from the baby as we won the season series and I was looking forward to using my $2.50 for trolley fare and even a tip to my favorite bartender when I received her envelope in the mail yesterday.
Not only did she raise the bar and beat me at my own game by paying the bet in coupons but she also made sure that they were to expire on her birthday this year! Good one SMK, I will get you back (and your little dog too!)
Please by all means peep out her blog as she hasn't written much as of late ~~hint put down the bottle of wine and get to cracking there Bambi~~ but I know she will start in the near future. Good times there SMK, and I will get you back!

I knew when I saw this picture of Rx Bambi that she wasn't right. This does beg the question do they or don't they?

At least she got something right, I mean Memphis isn't the Crime Capital anymore!

Here they are, all 6 coupons totaling $2.50 (but wait till she finds out that I am waiting for triple coupon day at Gangsta Kroger and use my EBT card and get $7.50 in money!)

Again thanks SMK, if you were good you would have mailed them to me so that they would have arrived on 12.30.10 (next year)

Looks like I will bring my stretchy pants for this bonus!

But this now begs the question WTF do I need denture cleaner?

TTK and good one SMK, we may come up in Feb for Mardi Gras so we will have to make a picture.

But it is Sunday!

2010-11-15T18:00:00.066-06:00

Ah the annual Funny Hat Day, the yearly tradition of donning a ridiculous hat and proudly wear it like a badge of honor. This year thanks to a little pre-marketing we were able to get a great record crowd at the Saucer downtown and the fine folks at the Saucer were nice enough to provide a crappy fire sale and a server who never cracked a smile the entire day. Anyway this year I have to say that the originality o'meter was pegged as we saw some great new hats as well as some old ones. Congrats to the 5 drivers who decided that they wanted to go the wrong way on Second and shout outs to those who we Yea'd and also Boo'd. A good time was had by all and thanks to some beer infused creativity this winter we are starting a new tradition.

The Monkey approves of this photo

This is my everyday hat!

Every good southern woman should have a pink sequined cowgirl hat as well as plenty of leggings to be worn as pants I say!

No Pictures please

How do you really feel about the fire sale?

Not only did they run out of Bud Light they didn't even fill the damned pint glass

The Godfather - The originator of FHD and the original Funny Hat (with the tag still attached)

Mam do you know you have a..... Oh never mind

Not only does PR wear the Funny Hat he makes sure it matches his outfit!

Got to love the Tourists

Show up to FHD without a hat and you get to wear the pink cowgirl hat as a penalty

We said no pictures! The monkey is getting angry at you

Imagine driving South on Second and you see this group

Even when we told her that we were leaving did she not crack a smile

English Mike in Spirit!

The wicked witch of the west called and she wants her hat back

No really the hat matches your eyes

Sorry FH but the image of you wearing the cowboy hat is still engraved in my memory

He is 6'5" and 7'3" with the hat!

Here is the last picture of MK as HS's car is barreling down the road

Strawberry Shortcake

I am Rick James Biotch!

Strawberry Shortcake with Dirty Sanchez

Not only does the make a fashion statement, it is reversible too!

If only we had walkie talkies, zipties and the AOC van.

This isn't my Funny Hat, my head is cold up in here!

HS slipped a 'mickey' into Mikey's beer

Don't worry we checked and the bird is old enough to drink!

And now the top hat goes back on the wall till next year!

TTK!

CBT takes on Destin

2010-11-07T11:12:00.002-06:00

So a couple of months ago Mrs CBT and I agreed to head down to the Redneck Riviera for a couple of days during Halloween since our child didn't want to dress up for this year. For those of you who actually know me, you would know that ~~I am full of shit~~ we don't have any children as we don't do dirty diapers. All in all we had a blast as we ate, drank, slept, and had a blast on the beach for Halloween. Good times and please visit the Gulf Coast!

I wonder how many of those suckers I am going to smoke this weekend?

Weather sucked here ya know?

What's Halloween without Jello Shots?

Sunrise #1 - Check!

New Sand Dune Barriers

Cool shot with the sun on it

Monkey Head Maddy is not impressed

Dinner Ala Lentini and btw ABD don't worry I have a finished pic for you too!

Yep, pretty much all we did was eat, drink, lay around the condo and were slugs

The Picture doesn't do it justice, it was the Bomb

Skrimp, Broccoli, Garlic, Mascarpone Cheese and Penne Pasta!

My contribution to dinner, the Raspberry Pina Colada

Hey those Jello shots are not going to eat themselves!

Sunset #2 - Check

Ziggy and OTB

Yeah, we know NO DOGS ALLOWED ON THE BEACH but don't worry Monkey Head was not amused and wanted nothing to do with it either

She was perfectly happy in her basket

And Sunset #3 - Check!

TTK!

Now I lay me down to Sleep, if I.....

2010-10-10T14:42:00.004-05:00

EDITORS NOTE - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG (well I can't speak for my mind or liver) WITH ME.
One of my fathers Consigliere's from the days of Ronco Pasta passed away this past week after a vicious battle with cancer and thankfully went peacefully with his family at his side. Out of respect to his great family I attended the wake as I remember MB as a very nice gentlemen and that he always had peppermint candy that he would always share with me. In talking with one of the daughters at the wake, she was upset that people would remember her father in a sickly state as it was an open casket service and honestly he didn't look like himself. As I was driving home I recalled another funeral in which again the deceased didn't look like themselves. This got me to think for when the day that CBT kicks the bucket so here is what I would like for my final wishes;

No open casket - Burn my arse up and I want my ashes spread over the second largest barrier reef in Belize on a Catamaran with all my friends in attendance.
No sappy music for me, I want Elvis' Trilogy to be played as they are scattering me and I expect every glass/bottle raised.
My assets - give some money to my surviving family, The Poor Clarie's, and the rest to pay for the bar tab at my memorial service.
No tears, I want everyone to start a comment with "You remember when Crazy arse CBT......"
I expect the Arkansas Fight Song to be played at some time during the party
The Finest Cigars should be smoked.
A Beach BBQ should be in order.
Maybe a beer pong table also.
I would like for there to be a CBT Memorial Horse Race at Oaklawn Racetrack and for there to be at least one Grey horse in the running. Pink Silk for the Jockey would be a bonus.
I want a good time and everyone wondering "Do you think he has cold beer in Hell?"

Again, there is nothing wrong with me I just want to get that stuff settled and out of the way. Ok onto the South Main Oktoberfest to drink beer.

It is just strange that they have him buried in the backyard just like a pet hamster.

I mean who wouldn't want to be scattered there?

Yep I will be kicking it with Paisano once again.

I have to say this is one of my most Macabre posts that I have ever done.

TTK!

CBT returns to NWA to catch a little football game

2010-10-04T09:36:00.002-05:00

Sorry I have been kinda busy as of late as to why I have a lack of posting but this one is going to be a good one. Monday of Hogs/Bama weekend I get a text message from JK reading "Have an extra ticket and a hotel room you up for it?" My reply was "As long as I can be the big spoon." So off to God's country we go. RK's son is a Junior in high school so this was a campus visit given by some guy who has a little bit of power for the University of Arkansas and we got the hook up. The game was great, wished it went the other way but hey you have to love fall football and seeing good friends.

Went over to RV park to see some friends

Not saying that this RV was tricked out but that isn't leather that is ostrich

Of course it had a TV on the table because the 54 inch monster at the front of the motor coach isn't big enough.

Yes that is marble with gold leaf in the bathroom

This thing had more James Bond gadgets it was amazing

Pretty much is the only way to travel if you ask me

A bonus of being a student trainer for the football team, you got to hang with the cheerleaders and pom-pon teams. Heddy and Josie still looking good and hasn't changed a bit.

Angela and Conrow made the trip from H town

Students lined up way past the HYPR building to get into the stadium

God Bless em!

Thanks to Uncle B Allen, we were able to sneak into the 'closed' basketball practice

Now I am calling BS because this wasn't here when I would have to freeze my arse off during bowl practice. To the left behind the glass is the Weight Room and that sucker is 100 yards long.

Visitors Entry

The upper deck wasn't there when we were there

Of course we had to have a sideline picture

Notice that my date and I are wearing matching outfits btw

Bringing in the mascot

Nothing like a little "Hit that line" to get the students fired up while they are waiting to get into the stadium

Yep, he even stopped for me to take the pic

2 hours prior to kick

Oh look little sister made it to the game

Lou Holtz called, he wants his shoes back there El Diablo

Kinda hard to be a UTK fan right now

Here little sister is getting the text from me "Where the hell are you?"

Snagged a pic with Mel

Oh yea, I am getting excited

Uncle B your seats are pretty crappy ya know?

A big thank you btw, I appreciate it!

There wasn't an empty seat in the house

Good to see Ken Hatfield at the game

Yep, he is a grown damn man!

Jerry being Jerry

Bless her heart, she must have run 20 miles back and forth in 4 inch heels

He is so tiny!

Goose Bumps every time!

Here is Wato, and Wato's baby!

Give that boy 18 years and he will be riding in a Winnebago that reads "Don't laugh your daughter may be in here!"

Good to see AW at Hugos

And my token Bama Fan too!

TTK!

Judy's Street party

2010-09-06T12:33:00.002-05:00

Momma and I attended what I have always referred to as Judy's Center for Southern Folklore party this weekend and someone upstairs must love her because you couldn't ask for nicer weather. The people watching was at an all time high as when I showed up on Saturday friends of mine who were selling paintings say "CBT you did bring your camera because there are some people who must not have a mirror in their house." Anyway here are some of the pics from a great 2 day festival that was 15 blocks from my house. Guess the only thing left for 38103 and festivals is the '~~Arts in the Park~~ South Main Arts Festival" in October.

SB (squared) & RS would be raising all kinds of Hell right now!

Dude you missed it, Southern Decadence is in New Orleans no Memphis!

Aztec or Mayan, I can never tell the difference

What is a festival w/o my good friend Barbara Blue

People ask me where I get my zany FB status updates and the woman on the left is to blame. She must have dropped me on my head when I was a baby when she was sitting for my parents.

They need to sacrifice a Virgin.....Good Luck boys with that!

Reminds me I need to make my one way ticket plane reservation to Belize for 12-21-12 soon

Gene Simmons is that you?

Look it is my former SOL bartender and she has a BABY, at a festival!

They were cute as all get out and had a blast dancing with the band.

Good to be the king!

Here is proof that RB's man is still alive and kicking

Always liked that motto/Value statement

I forget who came up with that logo but it is cool

Sorry Judy but looks like someone needs to have spell check #epicFail

Watina!

Dude you are supposed to be on the other blog post

Here RS is feeding baby Eli some red bull and a double espresso!

That reminds me, I need to send another case of scotch to my urologist who preformed my vasectomy!

Damnit Eli look at CBT!

Remember that Virgin comment earlier? ~~Never mind~~

Kinda scares me that a Trolley filled with kids yell my name!

Not sure what is going on here, but I hope that they just finished up preforming.

The Non Band Geek husbands of AC and Momma.

BwaaaaaHaaaaaaaa!

Barbara is starting to think that I am Missy as that is 2 nights in a row we catch her act. Good to see her again and great to meet Willie Michell's grand daughter as well. Archie and Boo are great guys and are still keeping Papa's dream alive.

TTK!

2010-09-06T12:06:00.000-05:00

I know I am out of sorts but I had to post some of these pics from Dead Elvis week prior to the Candle Light Vigil as some are too good not to pass up. For those of you who have never seen Stumbling Elvis or the Elvis Tribute Artist contest, I encourage you to attend as it is really good. Thanks to @38103girl for hooking us up with the tickets, Thank Thankyou Verrryyy Much!

Pretty much sums it up ya know?

"I hope this suit don't tear up baby!"

"I am caught in a trap"

Note to any future ETA who are thinking of competing, I have never seen Young Elvis or GI Elvis win, it is always Jumpsuit Aloha Elvis who wins.

See what I mean....

I know this pic is out of sorts but I wanted to share with the class that Monkey Head Maddy is getting ready for Duck Season being the first ever Tiny Toy Poodle retriever.

Yo King!

I think there is something wrong with Bone's lip.

Why yes PR did dye his hair for Stumbling Elvis, gotta love the devotion to the King!

Yes I know I am not wearing a jump suit but they don't make short fat suits ok?

Even Melzie had to get in the Stumbling Elvis Love!

I think my Elvis Bobble head got some compliments

Me and Michelle

Foster Grant Elvis?

You have to love this city and the fact that people do crazy ~~shit~~ stuff like this!

Thank you Very Much! Elvis has left the building!

My Buddy Ebbe dropped in during Dead Elvis Week and will be back in Mid September with 30+ Danes looking for some music and ribs!

To The King!

A picture is worth a thousand words

2010-09-06T11:44:00.000-05:00

I know that I have been negligent in my postings as my new job as a porta pottie pumper outer has me pretty busy since football season is now upon us. Anyway here are some shots that don't really have a home but are 'blog worthy' so in no particular order;

I actually stopped and had lunch at this business as I loved the sign

We scored some Sheryl Crow tickets and as you can see "She dances like a girl from South East Missouri" according to Mrs CBT.

Sorry for the grainy pic but I swear her legs are smaller than my big toe.

Here she is singing "You were my favorite mistake" to me

How can you not post a picture of this on a CBT blog?

Um Schuyler in order for you to hit it straight you need to turn 90 degrees b/c of that Wicked Slice!

All I want to do is squeeze them and have some Pinot Noir!

She would kill me if I made a comment about her and the size of the meatball so I will let you make your own commentary in your head.

Hey Art and Ruthie I think that we could use this down in San Pedro. It was a full semi trailer long of smokers and grills.

This just makes me smile evertime I drive by it on Summer/Tillman

TTK!

A PSA from CBT about the Bums

2010-09-06T09:10:00.004-05:00

Thankfully it has gone down thanks to a new anti panhandling campaign but if you live downtown you inevitably get hit up by a panhandler for spare change. This weekend I attended the Memphis Music Heritage Festival and as I was standing there with fellow crime fighter, Doctor Mike K, drinking our diet coke and bottled water ~~BULLSHIT!~~ we came up with a great idea. As we had to move from our spot on the trolley track to allow 4 north bound trolley's to pass Doctor King decided to place a penny on the tracks. Naturally it got flattened so before trolley #2 we laid a nickle down. Pretty much we ended flattening 41 cents and then came the idea. Next time I hear "Hey Big Man, Hey Big Man, let me ax you a querston?" (my spell check is going to have a fit over that last sentence. "You got 33 cents so I can get some oil for my car?" Now I can say "Why yes I do" and give him my flattened coins.
BTW - if there are any US Treasury Agents who by chance read my blog ~~who am I kidding no one reads this crap~~ it was Paul R's idea.

Here comes the first of 4

Pay no attention to that PBR, he is holding it for someone

Poor Abe wishes he was back at that Theater right now

Right now we are all hoping that the trolley doesn't derail

Flatter than a pancake

You can tell that the bands were not playing as we are all drawn to this

Good action shot of Trolley #2 with Mommas camera

Again, we have nothing better to do than to drink and flatten US Currency

Again, we have nothing better to do!

The 'after' picture and let me tell you there is some heat in those suckers

Hey Big Man, Hey Big Man, you got some spare change?

Now is where the silliness is going a little to far ya know?

I don't the folks at the AT&T store are going to believe this one

Now this Silliness needs to stop, this is Alcohol abuse

TTK!

Dead Elvis Week 2010

2010-08-29T14:08:00.003-05:00

A couple of years ago I was told that if you ever wanted to forecast the weather for the future just know that the coldest day in Memphis would be the day that the Liberty Bowl is played and the hottest would be Dead Elvis Week. Well Mother Nature came through again as it was hotter than 2 rats screwing in a wool sock this year. I still to this day recall the day that I found out that Elvis had died as I was over at a friends house when I found out, said "Wow" then went back to watching Hogan's Heroes. Over the years I have mellowed and actually look forward to 'Dead Elvis Week' as the crowd watching is at an all time peak. Even though it was only the 33rd anniversary of his death the crowd was pretty good and I got to cross another ETA (Elvis Tribute Artist) off my list as I got a pic with Elvis Patel. Ok on to the pics;

Tears are flowing down my face as I get to the "Hallowed Ground"

Yes we tailgate for the Candle Light Vigil (who doesn't?)

Decked out in her finest Elvis wear!

Even Auntie Terry wanted in on some Candle Light Vigil

Training em early

What is a Vigil w/o some EP Shades?

Good thing we didn't have a minister or I would have a new daddy (but wait????)

Barbie and her Boys

Poor Robin she didn't get to stay and play with us.

That Red dot in the far distance would be Ford who thought this was a Micheal Jackson tribute

Even Lilly wanted in some ETA action!

Kinda Creepy ya know?

Oh Hell Yes I got to have a pic with Indian (dot, not feather) Elvis!

I could have sworn that I talked to him last week when I called computer support

Fancy Candle Holder

Elvis has his own wheels

Damn Barbie, can you get any farther away?

See ya got to get up close for the full effect

Fancy footwear

Oh Hell yes he broke them out!

Still trying figure out Shobo's camera

The kid really wasn't into it but doesn't dad look like Gene Simmons?

They were from Sweden

This could have been Gene Simmons minus the face lifts

Got to love the tributes on the street

If I didn't know any better that could have been a baby CBT ya know?

Pretty neat shrine

Can I get an AMEN?

Looks like the grave is going to have some flowers added to it by another ETA

Thanks to Memphis in May I knew that this was the Chilean Flag and this South American wasn't from Texas

TO THE KING!

CBT's take on pictures of plates

2010-08-15T10:27:00.002-05:00

Imagine that you are siting at the bar at South of Beale having a couple of drinks when a co-worker of your wife orders a burger from Slick. The burger arrives after an appropriate time and is presented in front of said co-worker to which she thanks aforementioned bartender. Before she places the garnishment on the burger this person digs into their purse and pulls out a camera..... Oh NO I am thinking, she isn't, she can't be........."Damnit she is a plate picture taker! Oh the shame, I had high regards for her until this!!!!!" I have a couple friends on FB and twitter who are also guilty of this and I don't know I guess it just bugs me. I guess that I need to 'splain' myself on why I have such a negative slant on this.
Back before I was the porta pottie pumper outer, rubber sex toy employee and male gigolo, I was the General Manager of a swank restaurant in the Victorian Village area of downtown (seriously I was). The joint was closed on Sunday and Monday evenings as we were not as busy as some of the owner's other establishments but that was cool with me as in 5 days you roughly work 60+ hours a week that people don't normally know. The owner asked me if I would go open the restaurant on a Monday for a friend of hers who was a food stylist so he could take some pictures for a client he was working for. I figured that this would take a couple hours so I said sure why not thinking that he may even feed me too!
Well on that day the dude showed up and he had more gear and equipment than the musical Chicago that was just here a couple weeks ago and I am now thinking this is going to take longer than a couple hours. I let him into the kitchen and head up to the office to get a jump on inventory or some other responsibility and leave 'dude' to his photography. Now about 2 hours has elapsed and yes the hunger Gods are calling so I head down to check on his progress and snag a bite to eat as I heard him banging pots around. I get down there and it is like a NYC model shoot but here is the kicker, the food isn't actually food it is props made to look like food. Yep what is supposed to be milk on that Oreo is actually dried Elmer's glue. French fries in a wax paper cone you think - Pencils with hair spray on them. Grilled Chicken you think - some type of a wax object that has spray painted 'grill marks' on it. Oh I failed to mention that I was hung the hell over and now starving! I ask 'dude' how long this was going to be and he informs me that he has taken 10% of the pictures and "if I were not bothering him he could continue making art." Needless to say I tell Pepe the photographer that this ain't NYC and I would appreciate it if he hurries the hell up.
After a quick trip to the BBQ joint around the corner for a smoked sausage sammie, I head back up to the office and make a foam call to the owner. Naturally the owner had no idea that this was going to take so long and also confirmed that this was a friend of a friend of a friend who needed the favor so naturally this was a freebie. I told the owner that I would give him 2 more hours as I didn't understand why he needed a commercial kitchen when he could have done that shit in his own kitchen and she agreed. I go down to inform 'dude' of this new agreement as he is doing horrible things to a chicken wing and needless to say he ain't happy. He gets on his phone and starts ranting and raving to someone and he hands the phone to me. Whomever this person is they too are not happy and I inform him that with the mess that 'dude' has made, the fact that we ain't making a damn dime off of this that he needs to get to work and quit burning daylight.

Anyway short end to a long story 'dude' finally got his crap pics done, offered to let me have the 'food' that he took pics of it as payment and gave me 2 gallons of Ranch dressing. I told him thanks and promptly threw that crap in the trash. Sorry but some of the best meals that I have eaten may have not been picture perfect and thanks to that jackass I still get the red arse when I see a picture of a plate.

Again, my argument is that it may look pretty but it could taste like crap.

BTW - The burger at SOB is da bomb!

That's right you plate taker geek you get your picture taken by a non food pic taker!

Stole this from RS's 4th of July pics

How she can eat like that and weigh a 98 pounds amazes me, she must have a tapeworm.

This was either RS or BC's pics but this begs the question "It look pretty but how did it taste?"

I now return you to your normal regularly scheduled program.

TTK!

TCB Baby Dead Elvis Week is upon us!

2010-08-09T17:45:00.001-05:00

So I have a confession to make to everyone. No I don't wear a thong or speedo like I banter back and forth on Facebook but I am an closeted Elvis fan. I think it started way back 33 years ago when I was over at a friend's house the moment I found out that Elvis died on the crapper and remarked "Wow" now can we watch Hogan's Heros? Over the years I have accepted that the week of 'Dead' Elvis Week is going to be the hottest week of the year and that downtown will be taken over by a bunch of Japanese and funny talking English people. Anyway one of the highlights of Death Week are the performers (you don't call them impersonators - That's rude) as anyone who will dress up in that hot arse shit in August you have to give props to. It is always my goal to get a pic with as many of them as I can in the course of an evening. Here are a couple of my better pics to get you ready for the King baby. TCB!

Mustached Elvis?

Thank you, Thank you very Much

How great is that, I have the coozie and Elvis' child bride in the pic!

What is not to love about my dad you know?

Yep I even know one of them too!

TCB and TTK!

When Dave Brown says to stay inside.....

2010-07-18T09:23:00.007-05:00

Ahh Memphis in the Summer, this is when the makers of Gold Bond Powder and Mennen's Speed Stick make bank because there is nothing fun about heat and humidity. Apparently this weekend is supposed to be a killer and they issued the 'heat advisory' from Friday morning at 8:AM to Monday afternoon at 5:PM to make us even more skerrid. Knowing that the pool would be like bath water and we decided to make a field trip in Justin's blue dolphin to Cooper Young to use their AC.
Our good friend Doty is back in the 48 states from St. Thomas so we hooked up with her and her running buddy Mel for a couple of beers. Always good to see Doty!

Young Avenue Deli has a boxing game now!

I feel like Bud in Urban Cowboy now!

Doty has a baby!

In a bar!

Actually "JW" is Mel and Curry's child and is quite the pool shark I understand

Elton JW John

Doty getting ready to unleash the fury!

Justin had to try as well

I have heard of smoking bananas but not a Vlasic.

Those crazy Island people and their reggae music

Oh look I think there is a tiny morsel of chicken on that bone to the left.

Hopefully someone is singing ring of fire today.

I can't believe that Mel chose Sex over Bacon!

She must by the cheap bacon.

Chicken Wing, Chicken Wing...
(you had to be there)

We have now moved on to the Cove in Crime-Free Binghamton.

They have the old Anderton's bar and motif in there and it is pretty cool too!

Barns and Justin are hypnotized by something on TV it appears

So does Doty and Mel

Why it is Ann-Margret in the 1966 cult classic movie "The Swinger"

btw- SB, SB, BC and RS you need to drop by The Cove and request that they play this movie for you as you it breaks a classic fashion rule.

I swear when this bartender walked in I thought it was Freddy from Belize.

He even has a Guinness shirt on too!

Good times doing a little day drinking! See you when you get back Doty.

TTK!

Hold My Beer...

2010-07-05T13:25:00.006-05:00

Ahh the Fourth of July weekend finally a chance to chill out, sleep in and catch Breakfast at Wimbledon.

Here he is Ladies and Gentlemen "The Most stablest man we know"

CBT you take a pic of me on that Blog of yours it is going to be GO time!

Ok Didi I am just going to post it on FB then

As you can tell the Match was kinda boring..

Rather than read the paper I chose to mix me a Mimosa.

What the CBF is that? A Pinky extended while slurping champagne? Oh Hell NO!

Here I am getting into the World Cup Mania after that previous picture

ABD this picture is just for you

Nothing sexier than sausage on the grill you know?

SP explaining to BD that Ticket Master is not the devil

As you can see clearly SP won this debate and all BD can do now is.....

Have another sip of his beer

Ok now let's burn some $hit up!

Looks like they are trying to park a plane you know?

It is like Cheerleaders (on acid)

Happy 4th!

TTK!

Random pics on the Camera that need a home

2010-06-27T11:17:00.004-05:00

So either I accidentally took this pic or the digital camera fairy put it on my memory card

There is nothing more sexy than watching these two (wait for it)

keep waiting for it...

Rub meat! Notice that FW is wearing proper protection as JK well......

After we replaced all the flowering plants because "someone" didn't water them here is JL doing his duty.

CBT/Tia self portrait

The Trumpets and PJ

Looks like the Kooky drinks are getting to someone

Just plain silly I tell you!

Another day, another beer

TTK!

Paddle Faster I hear Banjos!

2010-06-21T16:14:00.007-05:00

So a couple of weeks ago Mrs CBT asks me if I wanted to go on a float trip with some of her high school buddies. I didn't have anything on the books so I said sure why not. Now Mrs CBT is not from around these parts as she lived in Sikeston, MO and was in the high school band. Being that my parents wanted to ensure my place in hell they sent me to an all boys high school and back in the day either you took physical education or band so I was not privy to sheet music or playing with my instrument. Anyway another all boys high school alum and I always make snide comments about band camp to Mrs CBT and his wife as well so I was looking forward to this trip and meeting her fellow band geeks.
Well it was that we were on the way up to Band Country that I found out that I was going to be the only male as it was a girls trip and other than Mrs CBT's younger brother this trip was resembling Father Goose and his band geeks. Anyway on the trip up to the hotel one of our car mates had a bladder the size of a kidney bean and needed to pee. We pull up to a Purty gas/liquor/BBQ shop near Dexter and as the girls were peeing I was perusing the liquor selection as I may need additional booze to dull the pain. They had a shelf that read "All bottles on this shelf $2.00" and it had about 7 bottles of good white wine. I inquired if there was something wrong with the wine and a Joe Dirt hairstyle clerk informed me that they just wanted to get rid of it. After I asked her (or was it a he?) for a box I said I would take it off their hands and away we went. We arrived at the hotel and had a good time, the Current River is a great relaxed float and a lot of families go so there isn't so much of a "Hey Man Play Freebird" factor. The band geeks were fun and it was a good weekend.

The store that pretty much had it all except for live bait

My sweet arse steal

You maybe able to take the carnie out of the carnival..

That's how I roll!

Oh and ABD notice that I didn't take any pics of food or something Gay like that!!!

Here is Kathy (she is matching I might add)

The Horns section of Sikeston HS Band

Girls you get my shit ready as I will be right down!

Hurry up to wait

Here we have first and second chair for the cowbell

Pipe down you weren't even born yet when these girls were marching

Clarinet player

Flag girl

Here is the Drum majorette in all her glory

Looks like we are about to start marching (or drinking)

Sorry but when I was in the 3rd grade my band teacher told me to 'fake play' during our recital! Yep that bad!

If she took PE rather than band then she would know how to swim.

My kind of floating (beer in one hand, camera in the other and a cigar in my mouth)

Here the first Tuba player is telling me that I should be careful that I don't drop my camera in the lake and then.........

All in all it was a good time and yes Father Goose will be back next year and I am going to bring me some bongos too!

TTK!

CBT completes The Trifecta now where is my T-shirt?

2010-06-15T10:48:00.007-05:00

So I got called out today by the fine folks at Main_Street_Journal for taking my sweet arse time posting BBQ pics, first of all thanks for the links but stop yelling at me! Actually Blogger.com was being a big ole Carbunkle and after some cursing I was able to upload the rest of my Memphis in May pics as a Pronto Pup worker.
After a couple days of rest we were heading into the final peg of Memphis in May being the Sunset Symphony. Sadly the Symphony does not get the same Pronto Pup sales as Music Fest but it gives us a chance to take a couple breaths and enjoy the river, the musical acts and even when they blow shit up too!
I have enjoyed the past 45 days as a chief wienie pricker for my buddies at Pronto Pup Inc and wish them well as they head to the next carnie event!

We were working on a new pronto pup cooking tool. Sadly it didn't work all that well.

Some of my Carnie friends acting a fool (or wait are they acting????)

See what I mean by acting a fool? BTW- No one claimed that Wheel Chair from BBQ.

Big arse Barge

Oh dear, it would appear that the grease has gotten into my skin and I am now praising the pretty bridge!

If I had a 9 iron I could have hit them when they went by

Whew, got the stand set up and we are ready to go. Ok now off to explore...

That is a big arse stage you know!

Ever wondered what a tower of speakers looked like from the bottom?

Oh and when you play 'Puff the Magic Dragon' for a sound check, the people in Harbor Town lose their shit!

Check 1, Check 2, Check 3, Check 4

Ok we get the picture CBT!

Sorry but I have to say it!

Look KC sure does have a big ole shiny purty Ball!

KC is talking to someone about some additional equipment that he will need for Saturday's show.

Anyone ever see that Saturday Night Live episode with Christopher Walken?

"Psst, hey dude you are on the wrong page, I sing 'Shake your Booty' not 'Bootie Time' get it right dude."

After I delivered KC and the band some Pronto Pups before the show, it was P-A-R-T-Y time!

Ooooohhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Hey look it is me taking a picture of people taking pictures of the fireworks!

After a little late night chair throw, it is over my friends, May is over!

Now get the hell out of my park!

Parting is such sweet sorrow!

They even tried to pack us up and send us to the next show but thankfully we escaped!

Ok, I will let you know a Pronto pup secret;

Soak your pronto pup stick in some 'water' so they don't burn.

See that happy face? That is when the Gold Bond finally kicks in!

Closing the books on a great Memphis in May! See ya next year!

TTK!

CBT the Carnie gets ready for BBQ fest

2010-06-14T10:36:00.000-05:00

After a good drying out after the Beale Street Music festival I was able to chill in the park as my fellow carnies guys removed 2 of the larger stages, moved the blues tent and cleaned all of those porta poties. If you had the chance to drive by the park or spy tear down from the river walk you understand 'this thing just doesn't pack itself away' and how it has to be organized, planned and then be ready for a mess up and get ready to 'drop everything' because it is amazing.
Anyway after some good weather we were able to flip the switch and Tom Lee park turned into "The World's Largest Cocktail Party!" Enjoy the pics;

Goodbye Limp Bizkit stage

Still amazed that after major flooding, possible tornado, hail and all that spilled beer that the park is still in pretty good shape!

Site guys setting up the BBQ booth lines

Me and Chuck Norris having a cold one on Cinco de Mayo

Here is that wacky Nacho Cheese vendor doing his best Captain imitation

Just saying....but we had more Hispanics in Tom Lee park than at a Mexican Bullfight

Omar the Tent People as busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

Day one of "Hey man I don't care what this orange line says, I know CBT!"

Oh this is just so wrong on so many levels...

This is how they were able to send me some more Pronto Pup Batter

No he isn't a laborer, that is my black brother from another mother Terrance at his team booth.

On a side note it was 'cold as balls' that day and thanks to some good advice by A.C.

"You can stay warm if you cover your feet and your Monkey!" I still have nothing to say..

Sam's town goes Sharp

Hey look it is a Ninja!

Miss Piggy Contest

Damn Voodoo Q guys introduced me to Natty Light this month

Chilling with Spaulding of Pork U

(side note) little did we know till Saturday that we were very close to S200 who had a different type of 'smoke'

Vendors are required to hire short bus workers so we got her a bedazzled shirt

You know being a Pronto Pup guys does have it's advantages!

Thanks to my Red Bull boys for keeping me W-I-R-E-D during the late hours

Ahh the awards, let either the Bitching or Celebrating start

All I can say is that I was dead arse tired after BBQ yet my boss told me "If I have to drag your arse out of bed I will!" and here is proof!

Oh and English Mike, don't worry no pics will be posted, same goes for you NYFD boys!

TTK!

CBT becomes a Carnie

2010-06-07T13:17:00.009-05:00

I think that everyone of us has in our phone contact list someone who is listed as "If I have to call them at 2AM and tell them to meet me at the corner of X and X and bring a chainsaw" they would do it. Well that is what happened to CBT back in mid April as the foam rang and the voice on the other side said "CBT we have a problem and we need you to be a carnie!"
Now in an effort not to break my own Mantra (discussing Politics, Current Events, Gun Control, Abortion and Religion) I am going to refrain from divulging my real position (porta pottie pumper outer) but really on this occasion I think that I can. You see my buddy who owns the corn dog stands number one wiener piercer went down with carpal tunnel syndrome right after South Main wing fest and my buddy was in a bind. It makes perfect sense as if you think about it who else can be a bigger pricker than CBT eh?

Anyway I reported for duty in Mid April as for those of you who have patently waited in line for 12 inches of fried love think that there is nothing to setting up a food vendor booth are very wrong. Now sadly I signed a confidentially clause so I can't go into great detail on recipe or the process that a tube meat goes from it's raw state to love on a skewer but there are some things that need to remain a mystery. The next couple of blog posts will be categorizing my trip down the calender during Memphis in May so sit back, grab some cotton candy and enjoy the ride.

There we are baby, set up and ready to go to sell Pronto Pups!

This kinda breaks my heart but you will notice that hit the skewer perfectly and got equal fried dough distribution too!

While we were waiting for the oil to get hot I jumped in my Corn Dog Mobile and snapped up some pics of my fellow carnies/roadies setting up for Beale Street Music Fest.

The process of building a stage is much like frying a pronto pup, it takes lots of planning and precise execution.

The show just doesn't happen over night

Whew, thankfully my boys with Safety Quip got the porta potties up because it was kinda embarrassing peeing in the Mississippi River all the time.

I see they are bringing me some more batter and sticks.

Ah some of my fellow vendor's are starting to arrive. How are ya Girls? Did you do something different to your hair?

The day before the storm (I mean show)

Gates about to open and the crowd is at a frenzy for my Corn Dogs!

The sky is clear (for now) and we are about to open the flood gates!

If you have seen my previous posts you know my stance on this.....

You think they are yelling for that long haired fellow who yelled obscenities but actually they were chanting "We want Corn Dogs! We want Corn Dogs!"

Aww look little baby Musicfesters!

Had to make a special delivery on stage as a certain band had it in their rider that they were to get Corn Dogs with extra mustard on stage.

All in all it was a good Musicfest and now we tear down some of the stages and get ready for the superbowl of swine!

TTK!

I spy with my little eye...

2010-05-23T08:31:00.007-05:00

We were watching "My cousin Vinny" last night (I know we are such the party animals) and the part where Vinny and Marisa Tomei roll into town and the "Oh yea you blend" part stuck in my head. It was also then that I realized that I hadn't posted my "Oh do not have a mirror in your house" pics but I noticed a common trait that should be a college sociology experiment. Think about this for a minute If you look back on each and every festival/event you attended this spring you pretty much will run into the same groups of people as they are as common porta potties and corn dogs.

Before someone gets their panties into a bind b/c I am being mean I am sure that there is a pic on some people's camera of a short fat blond haired guy wearing his Kangol backwards but I am ok with it. I mean at least I am not wearing leggings as pants or high heels but there is always Halloween right?

Ah the leggings as pants syndrome.

This actually doesn't bother me as bad as it does SB and RS but hey I will play along!

She will kill me if she knew I posted this (again) but you have to have to see a funny hat at an outside festival!

Dude in the parachute pants kinda threw me as that could be a first (and hopefully last)

Ah the Affliction shirt
Again it isn't a big deal but I know there are a lot of haters out there

Now here is where I just am dumbfounded, the 9 inch fek me pumps at an outside venue.

Gotta have the biker chaps (thankfully with clothes underneath)

Ah shirtless dude

Again another first at a festival

I am not going to post the pic that I walked up on but this will suffice if you know what I mean.

That hat almost needs a tent permit

She must be color blind

matching shoes, track suit and t-shirt is a staple at some festivals.

Oh and it isn't too obvious that this is a staged pic is it?

Wonder where she got those Chuck Taylor's?

and can she get a refund?

Sho-T-Shorts are in the house!

How many pig tailed girls did you see at BBQ last week?

Keep it light!

TTK!

Flat Chunky does MIM World Championship BBQ!

2010-05-21T09:43:00.011-05:00

I have blogged a couple times about my good friends Chunky and Ruth who live half of the time in MN and winter in Belize to escape the harsh winters (tough life you know). Chunky is the resident BBQ guru of the island and not a shabby BBQ sauce maker and both he and Ruth are good people and great friends. Anyway this year due to a scheduling snafu Chunky and Ruth couldn't make it down to Belize this past winter and after seeing some of their pics of grilling in the snow I knew that brother Chunky would be jonesing for some smoked pork love.
Traditionally the first or second week of May is when they head back to MN and that also coincides with Memphis in May World Championship BBQ Contest that brings in 250+ of the best teams from across the world. We have invited them down but scheduling always prevents them from experiencing smoked hickory nirvana.
This year after that whole Flat CBT trip_to_Belize experiment I got an idea and shot Ruthie an email saying that Flat Chunky needs to come to WCBBC as an honored guest. In between Chunky's naps she secretly made a Flat Chunky, slapped some stamps on his head and "BOOM" Chunky arrived at Bar 595!
Below is the photo journey that my fellow BBQ brother from another mother had in an out of the many teams!
Oh and Chunky next year we will get you down here or maybe we can have a rib cooking contest at Coral Villas this winter....

Before he headed down to the park he wanted to brown some meat for a Gravy

Even Momma wanted to get in on the action

Ok, I am a BBQ guru not a jockey!
Get my arse down to the park CBT!

Credentialed up and ready to go!

250 teams and only 4 days...Where do I start?

Why of course I need an official MIM fly golf cart ride to maximize my experience!

Hadn't been here an hour and Chunky won Best Mustard Sauce

(BTW who won that San Pedro People's Choice award again?)

After he poured some Lighter fluid on the charcoal now it is time to start prepping some meat
(Photo credit to the team of Tom and Jerry's Global Smokers)

You think 30 racks is enough for Friday?

You are right let's get 60 on the smoker

(photo credit to the team of Pork U)

Yep the PETA people will be complaining very soon

Notice I didn't do anything vulgar to Chunky like some did to Flat CBT down in Belize..

(Photo credit to Wasted and Basted BBQ Team)

Chunky chilling and exchanging pork tips with the Danish National BBQ team

Yes they were Danish and didn't speak much English either

Even Pedro would be proud of this photo

(Can't recall which team provided this back drop, I think that pretty every team had one of these things in their tent though)

BBQ Nachos - Why yes I will have some

Screw the diet, give me a hunk of that Funnel cake too!

Tried some of the Hot Wing entries and man they were good

CBT & Chunky with the Cattlemen's girls

Chunky getting ready to fire up the smoker for the judges

(Photo credit to Squeal Street Patio Porker team)

Brother Mike King and Chunky kicking it in the tent

Man doesn't live on pork alone, give me some of that please!

Why yes I will have an ice cold beer to wash it down!

Sadly they didn't have a San Pedro or Maplewood MN sign

Chunky checking the temp on the Back woods smoker

(Photo credit to Brown Chicken Brown Cow BBQ team)

Head pit masters Mike Rude and Cliff Wilson swapping recipes with Chunky

Even Ms Miller wanted some Chunky love!

Damn Chunky won 1st place in Ribs!

And Whole Hog too? I bet that Myron is going to be whining in his beer saying the contest is fixed!

TTK!

Even CBT is amazed at this find

2010-05-18T07:35:00.002-05:00

Quick post as I am about to head out to the factory but I have a good friend who is the chief porta pottie pumper outer for Memphis in May and he sent me this picture of what they found in Tom Lee Park after BBQ fest. As you can see it is a functioning wheelchair but this begs the question;

Did the owner get 'healed' by the smoked 'other white meat'?
Did the owner go the way of Weekend at Bernies and we had a burial at river?
Was this part of a scavenger hunt that we didn't know about?
Did this team pack so much stuff and since they already had a kitchen sink so they wanted a wheelchair on reserve?
Wonder what that team's BBQ tasted like? (ok I will stop)

TTK!

Where in the world is CBT?

2010-04-27T11:18:00.003-05:00

I guess when I saw my face on the milk carton this morning I realized I needed to pop back up on the map and let you know that I am still above ground and eating solid food. I know that my favorite bartenders, bar & liquor store owners have started to worry but I have signed up with a 'double secret' project and will be off radar for a tad bit.

In the meantime enjoy Memphis in May and when I get back.....Oh Lawd be afraid!

I can almost smell the stale draught beer and the pronto pups from the Bluffs!

TTK!

Week one of Festivus Begins!

2010-04-20T15:54:00.001-05:00

As we rolled into the start of Memphis Festivus I had to make a 'small' donation to the Tax man and we also had to celebrate the nephew's 6th birthday before pronto pups were to be eaten. The nephew got a fort/swing set that is bigger than my entire yard but is perfectly acceptable out in Breederville/High Point Terrace. We hung out there on Thursday night instead of the roof top and then did the weekend up in grand style with the Redbirds game, Wing Fest and with the already blogged Rajun Cajun.
Friday night was great (except for the score) and the fireworks were a welcome start to a 7 week bladder buster, liver abuser, lipitor taking festival schedule. The weekend was great and rather than the traditional Musicfest rain we had great weather with temps in the mid 70's to 80's. Saturday we rolled down KC as she just had some surgery and was in a wheel chair and it wasn't as bad as one would think. We got down to the Wing festival and it was a hoppin joint with a great crowd.

Oh and it was very nice to meet (in real life) some fellow Tweeters and yes I have to agree that Leggings are not pants and I am sure that I will run into y'all again very soon.

Oh thanks younger sister for getting the nephew a squirt gun too!

Dude, you do it and I promise you will remain the same height and have bad stutter too!

Handsome Ricky (the nephew named the cat) does not know what think of a 17 year old tiny toy poodle who is rolled up like a burrito. Old Veteran may be blind, sleep 95% of the time but she is happy and has been with us a long time.

Y'all need to hurry the hell up and finish that HB song ok?

I miss living in the Core downtown

Not a bad seat in Auto Zone Park

The South's Grand Hotel

Whatever you do do not light a match right now.

Aunt Terry (I can call him that, I have known him since '93) you are not going to believe this but there is a damned Chicken fixin to cross the road!

See I told you! I still don't know why it crossed the road (except it may have had to use the porta potty)

Aunt Terry getting in the fun

Wait I know that chicken and the lady in the peacock mask too!

(I have to say it)

Look someone is about to choke the chicken!

Here we have a picture of BC taking a picture of RS and a baby at Wing fest

"Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh it looks good on you AB!"

Glad I only have 3 readers and she isn't one of them or she would smack me!

Katie, I don't care if you just had hip surgery and a fall on it may make you break it. That girl over there needs medical attention and a ride in your wheel chair!

Even PR and WB were afraid of the Woolly Mammoth

I feel like Paul R after taking this picture (feel free to smack me RS)

You have to love the Ques Brother BBQ team - not only do they provide free food and beer but they also give out free toddlers too!

FH - "What do you think, you want to keep her?"

SB - "I don't know do you think we can teach her to use the litter box like the cat does?"

Something is morally wrong here as the Tarot card lady is getting her 2X4 Bud heavy drink on you know?

That is a damned shame you know?!!!!!

See you at the Zombie fest!

TTK!

What do you do when you add 5 apple knockers and 1 authentic Cajun together?

2010-04-19T15:10:00.002-05:00

You get one hell of a Roux and even a better Gumbo!
A couple of years ago a group of us were sitting around a smoker drinking some 'frosty beverages' my good friend WW asked me if I would like to join his band of misfit Gumbo cookers. I kicked it around as I am a little hesitant in joining cooking teams as I have seen many a good friendship ruined over a smoker, boiling pot of noodles and life is too short. The Italian fest team that I am on is actually a second take of an old BBQ team that split when I was 16 so I am a fan of preserving friendships rather than getting pissed at someone because 'their' guest pissed off 'someones wife'. Anyway I told brother WW that yes I would accept the invitation as I really have not hung out with him that much and it was a one day event that didn't require vacation days from work and it was a small team that I am already good friends with.
The Gumbo cooking contest is a fund raiser event for Porter-Leath and occurs downtown (another bonus) that occurs during their Rajun Cajun festival. In years past we would convene on Kitchen 595 the night before to prep, chop, make a gumbo to serve to our friends and basically hang out and visit. This year Brother WW made us some crawfish etouffee to snack on as we chopped, peeled shrimp and busted each others balls and let me tell ya, Mrs CBT loves that night because she can kick back and watch a bunch of men chop onions and make her dinner.
I will leave you with the pictures but we came in 5th this year, had a blast hanging out with everyone, it didn't rain and all of our team members showed up on time without car problems!

As you can see KC is on point making sure that all the onions, celery and bell pepper's are chopped to the exact size.

Hey what is that guy in the middle doing? Oh he must be conducting quality control for that 'diet coke' he is drinking.

Pretty much WW gets to sit and chill as SP is chopping off his finger into the onions.

Tough work for a pimp you know

What is significant about this picture?

Brother CC showed on time and without car problems like last year.

In his defense some little ~~bastards~~ kids broke into his truck and lifted 4 cases of ~~beer~~ bottled water that we were going to drink on the day of the festival the night before.

Currently we are missing KC in the group picture as she was chilling at her house before the festival started.

I mean we may be arseholes but who is going to make a woman who had an ingrown toenail surgery a couple days prior hoof it up and down the trolley tracks.

I had 3 jobs for the day according to WW

set up WW's Mis en Place
Be official timekeeper (notice that obnoxious orange watch I had on)
Make sure that I document people wearing clothes that they obviously did not look into the mirror before they left for the festival. (Next post coming up tomorrow)

WW - "Um CBT did you remember to load the butane canisters?"

CBT - "Shit I had 4 to do today! Be right back!"

Here is where I realize that WW isn't actually Cajun but he stayed at a Holiday Inn Select before.

Side Note - The team next to us were a group of chefs from L'Ecole_Culinaire_Memphis and as WW and I were watching some knife skills that rivaled my 'Man Crush" Tony Bourdain we were in trouble.

It all starts with Oil and Flour....

Heat and stir that sucker till you get some brown sugar looking love!

Add the onions (that SP didn't make as pretty as the Chefs did) and the pot is getting happy!

If you have that new iPad you can add the 'scratch and sniff' option and smell the love

A Savoir-Faire & the Lagniappe Boys team prayer over the pot of Gumbo for good luck!

Be honest it makes you a little moist looking at that doesn't it?

Like I told you, WW and I had major Chubbies over the knife skills the team of Chefs had!

This is WW in their tent joking around.

Sure WW you chopped all of that and I have on boxer shorts and not a pink thong!

See what I mean? They made fast work on a 10# bag of onions and celery and red peppers too!

WW taking a break from the first round of turn in.

It is good to be the king you know?

Inside the tent all of our other neighbor cooking teams (20 in all)

Taking one from WW.

It is good to be the king

I got to hang with a fellow tweeter RS during the down time (that kind of sounds bad doesn't it?)

Someone get JK off of the trolley tracks, another trolley is coming

WW about to "Do some of that Voodoo that He do oh so well" for the finals

No wait he actually is peeing in the turn in cups.

[ Insert Caddy Shack Movie quote here]

Turn in for the Finals and our 5th place award!

Look who got out of bed and hung with us on a beautiful afternoon?

Here is WW being interviewed by MD about the night before when he stayed at Casa De CBT.

Oh I bet the folks at Autozone hate the day after the crawfish festival.

WW thanks for a great weekend and we look forward to next year!

AaaaaaaaaaaHhhhhhhhhhhhhEeeeeeeeeeee!

Now if you are asking yourself "Wait you mean CBT isn't going to issue any fashion citations today?" Tune in tomorrow!

TTK!

Hey Big Man, let me ax you a question......

2010-04-13T18:30:00.003-05:00

Here we go again, CBT is breaking his own mantra and going to throw his hat into a debate that is going on right now in Downtown Memphis. No it isn't skillet that adopted the Russian baby and then tried to Wal mart return the little kid by buying him a one way ticket home but the downtown panhandling problem. Being that I have been a downtowner since 92 I have had a unique outlook on the panhandling problem here in Memphis. When I moved into 38103 back in the early 90's there were few panhandlers and for the most part they were friendly, they knew that I didn't smoke and wasn't going to give them money even if all they needed was a quart of oil to get to St. Louis.
Then the Atlanta Olympics happened in 96 and thanks to a quick "what are we going to do with our homeless problem"they rounded up all the homeless and shipped them to Memphis which created some more 'aggressive' panhandling. Add to that Katrina and other problems and guess what, we have some panhandlers who are scaring the shit out of tourists and females. I know that I have friends who have businesses downtown and it is affecting their bottom line as people have a conception that downtown is full of bums and is dangerous when really it isn't. I don't know if the answer is 'banning single beer sales' or 'panhandling zones' but whatever is decided I say we need to follow it through.
Here is what I mean...If I were to go duck hunting would I have better luck at finding ducks in a field on President's island or at the Peabody hotel which has ducks swim in it's fountain from 11-5 daily? I have been spending some time down in our Entertainment district lately and you can recognize the tourists like they were wearing a big ole sign that says "Come heckle me" and here is where we need to watch over these people because they are the easy targets. Who do you think that the panhandler is going to try to hit up - 1. a tourist from Tacoma Washington or 2. a short fat blond haired fellow that they have seen many times downtown and will not allow them to get into his personal space? Yep poor Tom Tacoma is going to get heckled and if the panhandler is 'off his meds' will probably scare the shit out of them and guess who loses....We all do. If there is to be a No Panhandling zone then it needs to be enforced - Period! Single Beer sales - If they can't get a quart of beer then the bums may be working harder to get more money to buy a 'Big Ass Beer' that is sold up and down the street. Bottom line is this isn't a quick fix and we may need to find out how some other cities are handling this problem.

In our travels abroad we run into panhandling as well and traditionally in the Latin America countries it is kids selling bracelets or Chiclets which in my opinion is at least fair trade. Sure I have a desk drawer full of crappy beaded necklaces but at least I feel better knowing that my 10BZE was in trade for a shark necklace that I will never wear again. Again the same businesses who hate these kids have the same rules but the un-written rule is "you don't pester the tourist, then you can stay". Hell I know of a kid that lives on the island of San Pedro who has a CBT radar because the moment I walk off the plane (with the band playing I might add) there is Alex! That kid is going to be mayor of San Pedro when he grows up, I promise you! Yep we have run into a couple of more aggressive panhandlers but when you offer to buy them a burger or go pay their light bill, they fold so shame on you!
Anyway back to topic - I will support whatever is decided on addressing the aggressive panhandling, I just hope that we follow through with it. Kind of like that dumbarse Panhandler permit that was passed a couple years ago, we need some teeth to make this work because something needs to happen.

Can he take me back to when the Cubs won the World Series or at least into next week so I can see what the powerball number are?

So that is where all those Star War fans go

Harry Potter anyone?

Take it light and remember "Just say no!"

TTK!

Those Poor Feet

2010-04-09T10:57:00.009-05:00

It has been a while since I did a "you dress or do something stupid you may end up here" post.

Now here is where I am going to anger my 2 female readers and I just don't understand the great lengths that women go to in the name of fashion. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a woman in high heels (please refrain from the stripper jokes) but to wear formal wear to the rail at the track is just silly in my opinion. This past weekend when we were at the track I noticed that about 30% of the females who were standing on the rail (for more than 5 hours) had on 5 inch Fek me pumps and I just don't get it. I mean if they were in the jockey club or the owners suite yes but on the rail where draught beer and obscenities flows like water???No.
Of all my friends who came down to celebrate someones 40 year old balls I told them to wear comfortable shoes as we were going to be standing a lot and the rail has a 20% down grade to allow for drainage.

First it looks like she is wearing Spartacus shoes and notice the other shoes around the Roman high priestess

Those dogs are barking from here

I suspect she was more expensive than a 2 dollar exacta

Here is where my two twitter friends will lose their shit with the whole leggings are not pants thing but I wonder how they feel about that outfit.

Check out the pretty pink socks on the pair of legs to the left

So are you in town for the rubber convention?

Somewhere in the forest a rattle snake is freezing

Now this is sensible footwear

Well until the 10 draught beer and peanuts kicked in

I was sworn to secrecy but check out the cankles! (Love ya T!)

Keep it light and I have to work on Beale this afternoon so I am sure I will have something to report tomorrow.

TTK!

A Forty year old Carbunkle? Yikes!

2010-04-06T13:20:00.013-05:00

"They say that you can measure a man's wealth by the number of friends they have."

If that is the case then I am one Rich S.O.B!

It was bound to happen, after many years of hanging with a bunch of old peeps it was finally time for CBT to join the ranks of the 'over the hill' club and this past weekend marked that occasion. In an agreement with Mrs CBT, there was to be no surprise party but just a relaxed weekend at the track with any and everybody who wanted to make the trip. For those who are 'not from around these parts' Hot Springs, AR has Oaklawn Racetrack and is a good training ground for those horses who plan to run for the roses at Churchill Downs for the Kentucky Derby. Mrs Trumpet and I have always stayed at the Arlington Hotel as being downtowners we enjoy parking the car and going on foot for dining, shopping and grabbing a cup of 'diet coke' as Bath House row should not be missed.
The plan was to get over on Friday morning and catch some races, have dinner and hang out with our friends from St. Louis, then Saturday we head to the track for a full day of gambling, telling lies and oh yeah have a couple of beers too! The weather was perfect, the races were good for some (self included) and a good time was had by all!
Sunday was Easter Sunday so after we all got back from Mass we headed home back to Crime Free Memphis and enjoyed the end of a great weekend.

The pictures will give you a better idea how the weekend went!

I don't know who this Robilio effer is but a bunch of Jackarses were wearing this shirt at the track this weekend.

Oh did I fail to mention that the Arlington was also a huge place for Al Capone (not the singer, the Gangster) to come down from Chicago to hang out? Yep that is his normal room too.

Calvin Borel you magnificent B@st@rd, oh how you have made me some money over the years!

For those of you who watched the Kentucky Derby last year and watched that 50-1 horse 'Mine that Bird' win huge money, it was Calvin who was on the mount. He loves Oaklawn and Hot Springs and I love him too!

Nice Hat

Hmm, Pink silk wearing Jockey...Wonder if CBT put some money on him????

You bet your sweet Arse and all grey horses too!

Look my Sister from St. Louis even made the trip too!

Um Girls can you act like you are having a good time? Please?

The Easter Bunny is ready and is heading to the Track!

A beautiful day for racing!

Thank you Easter Bunny..Bwak, Bwak!

DS - "Hey CBT, I had the same numbers that they just posted on the board, what does that mean?"

CBT - "Oh nothing, here give me that ticket and I will go throw it away for you in the recycling bin."

DS - "Ok, but what does it mean when the Trifecta pays 185.50 to the winner?"

CBT - "That means you go up there and trade that little ticket in for 185.50!"

As you can see JS and DS have now decided that Horse racing is easy and out of respect they are going to let us play some now.
If you are wondering why I took a picture of this and spewing obscenities at this time please check out the next picture.

That's right and I had pretty good odds on horse Numero 12 too!

Thankfully the Stewards did not see enough evidence that there was a foul and denied the objection!

(thank goodness we had an attorney traveling in our group too!)

Gives a whole new meaning to Mr Ed's head doesn't it?

And they are out of the gate!

And look my horse is dead arse last!

Again a great day with friends, good weather and even some good John McNicholas from up above good luck!

Aaron Gryder showed up at Oaklawn on Thursday to prep for the Arkansas Derby and none of the handicappers picked him in any races.

(well except for CBT and others who realized he was trending and some made some good money on Saturday!)

For those who don't know who he is, he is a pretty good and accomplished jockey who races in the Breeders Cup and Triple Crown races each and every year.

Beautiful day on the Rail

You would have to kill me to sit inside on such a great day!

Cold Beer, Good Reuben Sandwiches and some warm temps!

Did I mention beer?

Tucker did you happen to pick that exacta with the 50-1 long shot horse in the last race?

If she played at 2 dollar exacta she would have had to claim an IRS form.

Baby Fine Hair got so hot at the track she started smoking!

Did you hear that CBT is going to go streaking in honor of his 40th? Guess she did!

Even Tucker heard it!

I hold the Popper Olympic CD in my hand

So a Rabbi, Priest and a Nun walk into a bar....

And even in honor of CBT's 40th trip around the sun this guy put these pants on!

Now don't worry, I also took some "If you wore something stupid, I took a picture of it" pics this past weekend and I will be posting very soon!

TTK and thanks to all my friends for the Birthday well wishes!

Sunday Funday Shirt on life support

2010-03-30T15:05:00.003-05:00

Do you have a favorite shirt or comfy pants that you go to each and every day? If you ever watched Seinfeld you may recall the episode about "Golden Boy" that was Jerry's favorite T-shirt and how it never was worn while laundry was being done. CBT has a similar shirt as I don't recall when I actually purchased my white timberland polo shirt but it became my official 'Sunday Funday' shirt. If you have ever seen me out on a Sunday fighting crime you may have recognized this ragged shirt but I always referred to it as my required uniform. The collar was held by a string, there are more holes in it than a Tiger Woods alibi but it wore great and survived many a battle.
Well today I am to report that the collar finally came off of Sunday Funday shirt and I fear that he may be soon heading to that great dust rag heaven in the sky. Due to the holes I am required to wear an under shirt as no one wants to see my back hair poking out and once it gets 'hotter than testicles' in Memphis that means adios to Mr Sunday shirt. Anyway out of respect I will wear him with pride until the time is upon us. sniff, sniff.

other than being raggedy he still is pretty clean and shiny white

Notice the collar? Mrs CBT laughed when I said I wanted her to get out the sewing machine.

I bet some of you are now betting that I still have my communion money aren't you?

I think that a proper last hurrah would be the Great Wine race before MIM begins.

TTK!

Can you see the signs?

2010-03-25T17:17:00.001-05:00

Now apologies to my fellow crime fighter Michelle as I am kinda infringing on her blog premise of neat pictures in downtown but I have always wanted to do a post that is just South Main stuff. Way back in the mid 90's the movie "The People vs Larry Flynt" was filmed in a lot of downtown locations and we befriended the Art Director (before he stole a good friend of ours and took him to California and ex-communicated him from us) and he told me that he loved Memphis' downtown because of all of the hand painted signs on the old buildings. The Art department used a lot of these signs as back drops to mimic Cincinnati and other cities and even had one commissioned on a building on Front Street where the 'hustler' club was to be filmed. Later it was painted over and I still don't know why they did that, it was kind of cool.

I think it was this past fall while I was drinking a diet coke at my favorite sports bar down in South Main when it hit me about the number of hand painted billboards/signs are in a 15 block radius of South Main. Today between rain showers I took a walk and shot up some of South Main and for my 2 readers feel free to figure out where these are as unless someone touches them up they will fade away.

As a bonus can anyone tell me what was the billboard sign painted on the old South End/former Blue Monkey/now South Main swimming hole?

Madam Boss of Harrah's NOLA this first one is for you.

It is a hand painted dirt median in South Bluffs!

Guess the "welcome to the lofts" kinda gives that away eh?

Yep I may need to go back to being satirical you know since I gave this one away too.

Yep this is America but you better watch out with using the word Dixie

Almost gone

Wonder where this is?

Oh well keep trying to find this...

Now I know that Graffiti is bad but you got to love the artist's colors.

I think it is a Pepsi sign

Loflin Safe and Lock Co. Wonder where that is?

Someones got the upper hand

I think that UWT had places all over South Main, I saw a dozen signs today

You better pick this location pretty fast

Again here today...

Where were you before the market went into the crapper?

This one isn't that easy to find

Hard to read this one

If you ride around with your eyes closed you can find this one

Can't make the company out but apparently they sold rubbers (snicker)

Remember when they were supposed to be where Pat O's was going to be going?

Good luck on that one

Better not blink for this one

Bulldog is looking over us

Not saying but if you walked out of SOB you may find this one

Barely there

Never find this one, I promise!

Bricks are winning over the paint in this case

Pay no attention the logo in the bottom right corner for where this sign is located

Give you a hint we eat a burger made of 'Soul' here.

I am guessing below the windows was a sign.

I know it isn't a sign but I know two little red head twins who will recognize this location.

10 minutes after I took this pic it rained cats and dogs on me

I hope they aren't saying to pee there

I guess the Godfather of Soul wrote this sign.

Wonder where this is?

Again I know that everyone has walked by this one

Keep in light.

TTQ!

Pork, Chips, Nacho Cheese sauce, BBQ sauce, dry rub = love on a plate

2010-03-22T19:02:00.000-05:00

Last week I came across a "you know you are a foodie if.." and one of the comments that was made that you spend more money on kitchen toys than work clothes. I have to admit that I can pretty much give better advice on where stuff is located at Lit than some of the staff as I am a huge hoarder of kitchen tools. Oh well as long as it keeps me out of the bars right? This past weekend I was craving BBQ nachos in the worst way and as luck would have it I noticed that there was a sale on Pork Butts so off to the Ghetto Kroger I go.

Now I know that my two readers are right now saying "Great CBT is going to show a ton of pics of the smoker and ~~crap~~ stuff like that!" but actually I am going to change it up a little bit as I am going to document the process that I use to prep 'the other white meat' and let my 2 readers pick and feel free to add your own cooking technique as I have often heard "Cooking is not rocket science!"

Yep, my mis en place or as I like to say "this is where the action happens"

I love a cutting board that allows you to cut with your arms not at your waist

Right now Anthony Bourdain has a hard on (me too a little bit)

I like to season the meat (insert Beavis/Butthead laugh here) the day before so it can soak in (JMHO)

Bend over, I am going to give you a little shot (or) What is that Elvis' hypodermic?

Anyone thinking of Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction when she had to have the shot after she OD'd?

Just like Charlie Sheen's liver you have to have a good marinade

(pay no attention to that bottle of Cuban rum, I promise)

Notice the level of the marinade (apple juice, sugar, salt, Worcester and some rum) before I started shooting porky up

After I get done with this pork butt it is going to see more pricks than (oh stop!)

I like to inject it with the grain of the muscle/meat as I think it takes more marinade (JMHO)

Just like the Bums on Beale Street, it almost took the whole quart

Put some more dry rub and then it is off to the smoker for 6 hours of indirect heat

Now here is where I broke tradition as I smoked the pork on Saturday all day and then took it off the smoker and allowed it to rest and put it in the fridge overnight. Sunday we had ~~crappy~~ weather and I didn't feel like getting wet going back and forth so I took the pork and put it in a roasting pan with the rack and poured a pineapple mixture in the bottom of the pan and 'steamed' the pork for 5 more hours on low heat in the oven. I really should have smoked it longer as the meat was flavorful but it wasn't 'pulling' apart or fall off the bone like some other butts I have done. All in all it was a good adventure and the nachos were pretty darn good.

Man that was some good stuff!

All aboard the Express Train!

2010-03-15T16:00:00.003-05:00

In the song "Almost cut my hair" by Crosby Stills and Nash there is a line that goes "I feel like letting my freak flag fly!" I think that CSN must have been talking about this past Saturday on Beale Street with a St. Patty's day parade and 2 sessions of all you can drink beer because if you were into crowd watching today was the Super Bowl!
In an attempt soften my VIP Rock star status of going straight to hell I did some volunteer work for the River City Brewers festival which benefits St. Jude and I had the job of selling tickets for those who did not buy online. As I was sitting there at the entrance to Handy Park (aka Ring Side seats) I saw just about everything that would make you say DAYAM and issued many "must not have walked by a mirror on your way out eh" awards.
Sadly I didn't get as many good pics as I wanted to and I have to admit taking pics of people who are drunk is not cool, it is in my opinion that if someone wants to slam two Call a Cab's and crawl down the street then that is their right, why do you think they sell drinks in a paint can bucket. However, if that aforementioned person who is crawling down Beale happens to be wearing a Lime green Elvis jumpsuit then by means it is Game on! I am going to have the opportunity to be on Beale a couple more times so I will be more diligent in issuing some "you have to be kidding me right" fashion awards!

Saw them at "Live at the Garden" last year and they rocked!

I am so embarrassed that my dad didn't wear his Green Jacket for the parade. Oh the shame!
(and I stole this pic btw and he may be dressed like the king but he is a fast little fella)

If you are wondering what those things on their heads are I suggest you go watch a certain episode of "Seinfeld" where George buys the Russian Ushanka (I had to google it, I am not that smart btw) hat on the Peterman expense account.

Oh and for those of you downtowners and South Mainiacs who happened to be at that event, don't worry I live by the mantra "What goes on in 38103, stays in 38103" your secret is safe with me!

TTK and take it light!

May I take your order?

2010-03-12T16:08:00.002-06:00

Back when I was in college and with the tennis team (no snickering peanut gallery) we had a player from one of the Scandinavian countries. I recall him telling me that before he came to college he spent a year in the army as that was required of all 18 year old men. I am thinking to myself that must have been an eye-opener but then I started to realize that I have never heard of a Scandinavian country ever declaring war but still I bet that left a mark on him and he learned a lot.
It was this little non-beer riddled brain cell that made me think of that while I was watching my home boy Anthony Bourdain's No_Reservations this past week named "obsessions" The show was about a guy who has a hard on for a 26 dollar burger made from the best aged steaks, an Australian who raises Wagyu beef and a chef who loves cheese that I actually copied one of his recipes that made my own doctor divorce me. Meanwhile during this whole episode Anthony is butchering a pig as that is what he declares is his obsession - Pork. The show moves along and it is pretty good and then you get to the the bloggers....
Don't get me wrong I am a huge an of blogs and I chose to read/follow those that make me happy as I life is too short to get all fired up some stupid comment but these guys take the cake. I won't go into great detail but as they are taking pictures of the plates (I hate that BTW!) they are telling Anthony that it led to a break up of a partnership and let me tell you those guys are angry! One of them had more cholesterol than blood and is now forced to eat rabbit food and another bitches about leaving a 400K job to write about food. Um hello boys you may need to see professional help or better vodka.
Anyway to my point and scroll back up to the top if I have lost you in my dribble....(I can wait) I think that everyone should work in a restaurant at one point in their life. I have to be honest I loved putting my thumb into soups, standing over an ice bin hungover so bad that the smell of the waitress spill mat was about to make me hurl and the knowledge of how a restaurant ticks. To me the best part was watching a kitchen tick in that the took a raw product and made a meal, and they did it over, and over, and over again.
It was these bloggers made me ask the question, I bet they have never set foot into the back of kitchen and seen guerrilla warfare at it's best while diners are getting annoyed that their salad with the Sauce on the Side is taking too long. Now I am not saying that one should be subjected to crappy food, a server who needs to check the attitude at the door, or an owner who is more concerned with making cash over customer satisfaction because I wouldn't. I think that you will find people who are former restaurant servers, cooks, bartenders are a little bit more understanding if there is by chance a problem and their head won't spin off axis if the mushroom risotto isn't properly seasoned correctly.
Now here is my problem with Food Bloggers and those bad experience tweeters on restaurants (oh dear CBT is on the soapbox) is that these people who blast a restaurant or meal never made one comment to the management/owner or never worked in one. That to me is wrong and cowardly because if you are going to have the stones to tweet "I had a meal at XXX and it sucked, the service was slow and I am never coming back and think everyone should not go there!" and yet walk right by the owner/manager and not say a thing then shame on you! If you happened to catch the show you will know what I am talking about.
Last summer I recalled a trip report on a message board from a friend of mine who visited a new/upcoming restaurant on "that crappy island I love" and he kind of drug it in the mud. This owner of the restaurant was not a frequenter of the message board but one of her friends who owns a B&B on that "crappy island" was and she forwarded the review to the owner. Sure enough my friend who originally wrote the review made a retraction on his trip report in that the owner had apologized for the bad experience and the next trip back to please come visit her again and see if she can make amends. To me that is the way one should handle complaints and I caution those who are about to be ugly please put yourself in their shoes for a second.

Take it light and make sure you tip your server!

I love that guy, one of these days we are going to have to sit down and drink some beer!

Notice I don't take pictures of plated food, I take pics of just cooked food!

See if I never spent time in the kitchens of Chez Philipe, Aubergine, Kings Palace, Tap House or Cielo I wouldn't have known how to do this.

Oh and if you wonder that pic above is one of my obsessions! And chicken, and pork, and red wine, and (ok I will stop)

See I am glad that those pesky food bloggers or Tweeters didn't see this or they would have blasted me for not pulling enough kitchen string.

And I dare you to!

Oh and for those of you who are wondering when I am going to get back to my normal 'making fun of stupid people' blogging just wait.....

TTK!